Where we are today
Had you asked us right after the crash if we would be here today, we would have said no without batting an eye. Not that we were suicidal, we just didn't see a path that we could survive without our babies. We are older so we know what it is to lose someone. But not someone this close or because of a tragedy.
Since we lost the kids, we also lost Molly and Neville. It felt like we lost our last tie to Jason, Shannon and Ruby. But there is a song that sums up how we feel. Carrie Underwood, "See you Again" There is one part of the song that says
"Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on 'cause I know
I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me"
That is almost our motto. We both know, we just have
to hold on tight. God will let us be with them again
when we are done with our jobs on earth.
The Grief Journey
No two people grieve the same. For that reason, there is no right or wrong way to do it. You do what feels right for you and go for it with all you have.
I think Clif has changed and I am sure he would say the same about me. We came close to a divorce because our paths to coping were so different. Clif seemed to just become quieter than usual, and he went back to working security.
Me, well I can tell you what I did, I went in search of answers. I went to see their car. I even took pictures of it. I met the first responders that took care of them. I read the medical records. I have even gone to the prison for a Victim Mediation with Demetrius Price. I was still not given any sign of remorse from him. But I left him a gift of sorts, I gave him all the pent up rage I had inside of me. I held it for 6 years until he agreed to the meeting. He is in Gods hands and no longer my problem.
The best healing for me came from speaking at Victims Impact Panels. This helps both of really. We collect Ruby Promises. They did not die in vain as long as their story is saving lives.
Going Forward
There is one place Clif and I are the same, we weren't done being parents. So we now have 3 Fur Babies. Now if you haven't had a time when you are retired and have no one else to care for, dogs can become your kids. I scold Clif all the time for spoiling them rotten with treats and too much food. But then they let me know when they are not willing to sit home any longer. They jump and bark at me until I give up and give them a ride in the car.
It is sad, but they somehow give me the will to go on. They need me. And I need them too.
Dobby
Tonks
Snape
Still in our hearts.
In memory of
Molly and Neville
